Friday, July 24, 2015

Keeping the Friendship Alive in Your Marriage

Zach and I have known of several marriages that have ended after a short time in our short time being married. Every time this happens, Zach is sure to expect to hear me randomly make comments like, "I just don't understand. Do you think s/he realizes that s/he'll be missing ______?" Or, "How does this happen out of nowhere? Do you think they ate dinner together every night?" Zach of course is not the gossip that I often wish he was--so his responses are usually "I don't know, Shar." And that's that. 

We had an experience with this hit more close to home recently and it really has me thinking. When I allow myself to imagine the same outcome and think about Zach and I not being "us" anymore, it's hard to fathom. Not because he doesn't make me mad, and not because I don't sometimes feel like we're both losing parts of ourselves in the craziness of life and especially parenting. No, we have our challenges-believe me. And there are times that I declare that we need to get it together and whip "us" back in shape. Still, though, I can't imagine ever not being with Zach because he's truly my best friend

how to I strengthen my friendship with my husband

There is such a strong friendship there that we've spent years building and I'm so grateful for it--and honestly a little proud of it. I've been thinking a lot lately about all of the little things we do that has helped strengthen our friendship.

Pray Together

From our wedding night on (and even sooner actually) Zach and I have gotten into the habit of praying together. We pray over meals and we pray before bed together every night. We also pray at other times together when life is particularly difficult. We attend church together every week and that opportunity to worship together strengthens our friendship as well. I love that whenever we pray--whether it's at home, at church, or anywhere else, Zach always reaches for my hand and holds it while we pray.

Praying together helps us unite in our goals and priorities. It also allows us to share what's on our minds and hearts with a third party. There are times that Zach will say a prayer for something and I'll think, "I need to support him better in that." Things that maybe Zach doesn't think he needs support in, but as he prays I realize that I can help with that. It also helps us see miracles together. We've been tremendously blessed throughout our marriage and we've had many a text message that reads, "That's a tender mercy." Or, "Prayers are answered!"

Daily Time Together

Now that we're parents, we don't get a ton of time together, but we do make time to just sit and spend together. We eat dinner as a family every night. We both sit down with JaiseAnn at the table and eat. We talk about our days and enjoy quality conversation and then we hit the ground running with pick up, bath time, and the chaos of bedtime. That time to unwind for the day together and gear up for the nighttime routines is important to us and gives us all a chance to touch base. I love that we have this time every night because after JaiseAnn goes to bed we can really connect. I've already heard about Zach's day and he's heard about mine so now we can just spend time together--we can talk about current events or the things we're reading or doing, we can do things together, or we can just sit and be together for a bit. 

Zach and I try to have some uninterrupted time every day. We usually watch a show or play a card game together. Sometimes we just get an hour--but we try to use it as best we can. We cuddle, we talk, and we enjoy each other.

We both work in the evenings--me on work work and Zach is working on studying some system updates and coding for his job and he's also studying for some certifications. We do not work on date night, though, and we don't work on Sunday nights. We make sure to have more time together at least a few times a week so that we aren't always giving the very last ounce of what is left of our energy to the time we have together. 

Play Together
Zach and I try to make sure we play and have fun together. We share some common interests and try to enjoy those things at least a few times a week and not just on date night. In addition, though, we do try to have a date night each week. Most of the time that date night is at home, but we still make it a priority to do different things and keep it simple. Once a month we try to get out together and leave JaiseAnn with my mom so that we can enjoy a bit more time together outside of the walls of our home. 

How important is it to you to have a friendship with your spouse? How do you keep the friendship alive in your marriage? 

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