Monday, September 7, 2015

Things That Make Me Anxious

 Lots of things give me anxiety that are expected things--money worries, health worries, watching scary movies or television shows, etc. But I have several additional little things that tend to give me bouts of anxiety. Sometimes the amount of stress I experience is minimal other times it can be overwhelming.

Parking Lots

I am one of those people who prefers to park far away and walk. The extra walking never hurt anyone and I don't have to slowly and carefully comb through rows and rows of cars--some backing out, some speeding in to beat you for the space, and then the people. Zach likes to comb through the mess for a better parking spot and I am not a nice wife during that time.

Women With Lots of Children
This actually means anywhere from 3 on--but some days even women with 2 kids give me anxiety. It's a real problem I struggle with. I see these moms out and about and I think, "You are so awesome! I once wanted x number of kids, too! I don't anymore." But somehow these women feel like a threat to me. I really don't know how to explain it other than if they've done the pregnancy, childbirth, recovery, nursing, not sleeping thing on repeat for a decade then I should, too. But I don't want to. It's hard for me to admit that, especially because I feel like in admitting that it sounds like I don't like being a mom. I do. I love it so so much. I just think that I am most likely going to be a mom of one or two little ones and some days I'm still making peace with that--or hoping to make peace with that (basically pleading with God that He doesn't have other plans). So if you're at Target with four kids and one on the way and I'm staring--I'm not being rude intentionally-I promise. I just am trying to wrap my head around how you do it.

People Talking About Doing Yard Work/Home Improvement Things
This could actually be summed up into someone doing something I wish I was/could do but I can't. Whether I can't due to lack of talent, money, or a combination--I usually start to feel anxious as my own "to-do" lists or wishlists start piling heavily on my brain--you've started but I haven't even come close to and maybe never will.

Reading Stories About Triumph or Overcoming Trials
I know the purpose of these types of stories is to inspire. I follow a handful of blogs where people write about huge trials that I never wish to experience in my life. While I am amazed and inspired by them, I also get a sort of anxiety as it introduces me to a world that I would never want to be a part of. I know there's no reason I would be excused from this so it does cause me to worry from time to time. 

When Someone Asks Me What My Favorite ____ Is
I have too many things I love to determine my favorite anything--unless you ask me who my favorite people are. Zach and JaiseAnn--that one is easy. Other than that, though, I cannot narrow down to ONE favorite movie, book, song, restaurant, food, memory, etc. I just can't. I can try but then I worry that the one I choose says a lot about me and only shows one side of me. For example one of my favorite movies is Moulin Rouge and another favorite movie is A Few Good Men--those show two very different sides to me--so I have to make sure to include all things.

Using Fuel
I have a thing about this-my anxiety is two-fold. One I know that fuel does not do the best things for the environment and I do feel a sense of guilt based anxiety when I know that I'm being irresonsible with my fuel usage. I also know that fuel costs money and I really have a hard time when I make two trips to the same location or nearby locations in one week. I really try to avoid taking too many trips to the same place. One reason we really want to move is to go down to one car. Moving to a one car family would save us a lot of money in many ways, but fuel would be one of them. It would also help us to get more creative with where and when we drive, how often, and help us find other modes of transportation--like using the bus sometimes. Ideally I'd love to move somewhere where we could do more walking/biking. 

What are some things that give you anxiety? 

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