Friday, January 15, 2016

Friday Thoughts

Hi there Friday!

Did you know that January used to be the most hated month of my life. It's cold and dreary, the holidays are over, and the month is SO LONG. Imagine my surprise when I found myself due with a January baby. 

"Ugh." I thought. That's going to be the worst. On top of feeling gross and sad--I'll be battling extra weight and hormones and losing sleep. 

Turns out, I had a very one-sided view of motherhood, who knew? Yes, having a January baby was hard, but it was also awesome. We had something better than Christmas to look forward to right after Christmas--and she was the best surprise ever. Not just finding out she was a girl, but just meeting her was a surprise. 

And now, January's not so bad because I get to throw a party for one of my two favorite people in the whole world just over halfway through. It keeps my mind occupied and gets me possibly more motivated than I was. Last week was harder than this week, but this week was such a struggle. So here are a a few of the things I've been struggling with this week.

Party Planning--Am I a Bad Mom?
Okay, here's the deal. I love throwing parties--like a lot. I but I have the same equation for each party I throw: pick a theme, choose decor/food/favors to match that theme (or don't), choose 2-3 games or activities, shop (decorations, food, prizes, and favors), decorate, done. The party goes like this: mingle and eat, games (and prizes), cake, presents. Presents and cake kind of go together, but this year will be different because people won't have forkfuls of cake to shove into their mouth while JaiseAnn opens a mountain of gifts.

This little equation seems to work for me, but it's feeling a bit old. I got really self concious when Zach asked me if we were playing games with this knowing smile on his face. I was like, "Are my party games something people talk about behind my back?" And then it became a paranoia thing.

But this is the real kicker--I tried to make the party simpler this year. I chose to throw it at a non-meal time so I wouldn't have to cook for everyone. My mom is helping with some of the snacks. It's really just family (but we have a lot of family) and I still have a lot to be doing. And I know JaiseAnn doesn't care. I know she doesn't. She'd be fine with everyone gathering around for presents and cake. An hour--in and out--done. But I enjoy the party planning. At this stage in the game it's more for me than her and I feel guilty about that because:

She'd probably rather have her mom more present the week leading up to her birthday rather than her mom spending time labeling bottles of water "Toilet Water" whch she can't even appreciate. 

Also, will I always be this caught up in my own enjoyment of it all? Will I be the mom that doesn't realize she doesn't want a farm animal party and she actually wants a dreaded character party instead (please, JaiseAnn NO character parties?:) 

See, bad mom. All the guilt this week about it, too.

Waking Up
Our schedule has been way off. JaiseAnn is going to bed LATE lately. She normally goes down around 8:30 and falls asleep sometime between 9 and 9:30--or at least that's the way it was before the holidays. Now we're still struggling with getting to bed at 8:30. She's staying up late--9/9:30 and then sleeping IN. Yesterday she slept until 8 but one day this week she slept until almost ten. And since I work past midnight and sleep with her--I sleep right in, too. I know a lot of moms must be hating me right now--or shocked at my laziness-but I promise you I'VE PAID MY DUES in the mom sleep department. I'm reaping sweet benefits. 

Except the sleeping in is throwing me and JaiseAnn off. I almost think she's ready to give up naps. I always knew she'd give them up early, but I didn't know she'd start trying before she was 2-I figured 2 1/2 and she'd be done by 3. I wouldn't be surprised if JaiseAnn is done napping by June. But I could be wrong. 

I'm proud of the fact that I've exercised everyday, but I'm only averaging 7,000 steps a day on my FitBit and I need to GET MOVING. I also have been doing some pretty low intensity/low impact exercises lately. I know it's better than nothing, but I've worked hard in the past (do you know that even though I'm still holding on to extra weight-I have definition in my stomach that I've never had before?) and I don't want to completely lose my progress. 

To-Do List Obsession
And with the schedule thrown off, party planning, and the million goals I want to accomplish this year, I've been carefully creating my to-do lists each week/day. It's been intense and I'm really getting too obsessed. How do I find balance between being present enough to play "bus stop" with JaiseAnn (her current favorite) and time to get the things on my to-do list done? 

Ugh. I just sound as ridiculous as I feel. I will turn the corner in February, I promise. I always do. In the meantime, let me know if you have any advice or answers to any of the above! I'd love you for it!

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